So, what on earth do I say about this weekend?

Not a whole lot, actually. I mean, it was wonderful, but you know, very personal stuff. Some of which I'm not telling a soul (or at least, not telling for years) because they would be shocked. I'm still shocked right now.

I suspect that I really am gonna have to change the name of this journal. How's that for a hint? (And if you're bored and want to send along suggestions for a title, go to the above link for my e-mail. I fear that on my own I may come up with "The Twitterpated Diaries" or something.)

Yeah, I know. I'm shocked too. Who woulda thought ME to be the embarrassing girl who was conspicuously waving, blowing kisses and mouthing "I love you" through the window of the train, in front of my poor seatmate who was trying to ignore my ass and do his reading? (Now if I were him, and I have been, I woulda hated me.) It was a pretty damn schmoopy weekend. Damn. I never dated a guy who seemed to feel THAT way for me like I did about him, at the same level before. I didn't know that existed.

Suffice it to say, I don't think we're breaking up. I can't even imagine that, really.

As for er, discussions of the future, we agreed that stuff like living in the same town and me having a permanent job and him working long enough at the place he's at for a year so he can transfer to Sac was something that had to be worked on. I don't plan on moving out of here for at least another year or so (Hill and I plan on staying together until she graduates, since we like the place and get along), and he was cool with that. He's thinking of (after he does the car/license thing) getting an apartment halfway between our towns or something like that in the meantime. And maybe after things have settled down, maybe we'll move to the same town (Sac being a good possibility). We'll see, I guess.

I may actually get a cell phone from him- he's got his and his brother's on his account, but the brother isn't so good on paying the bills and he was thinking of cutting him off. Huh. Not a bad idea, but still weird to me.

I did meet his friends- Terry, a goofy girl who's the group chauffeur, and her new boyfriend Austin who's, well� cute but stupid, if you know what I mean. Amusing yet annoying at times as well. Both of them have ENORMOUS hickeys on their necks right now. His look like he's got a tumor or something. We went to his place and met up with Jeremy and Nikki. Jeremy's his best friend, Nikki's Dave's "adopted little sister" and Jeremy's fiancee. They're also known as "the bunnies." You can figure that one out for yourself. Between the whole bunch, I got major eyefulls this weekend, lemme tell ya. Jeremy decided he liked me because I make his best friend happy, and I felt all blushy about that. This was, for the most part, the gang we hung out with all weekend, with most of them staying with me while Dave went to work in the mornings.

Sometimes we drove or walked around town (which pretty much sucks, honestly. I am so not moving there.), had random conversations, listened to strange music, etc. We went to the vampire game again Sunday, which wasn't all that exciting. If you're wondering what happened with Sweeney, he walked up, Dave said "No, MINE!", and he backed off. (Pretty amusing, really.) I played Dave's ghoul while he and Jeremy tried out new characters, which basically amounted to me following them around while they stood around and/or chitchatted with other people about party games and BASE jumping. (One girl was trying to make the conversation more interesting.) They thought it was funny to make me ask the prince (head of the city, basically) how he liked the milk and cookies sent to him (people had been making jokes about how the new prince's court was like a kindergarten class). Sheesh. Then the prince got outed by everyone else and they reinstated the old prince, and everyone went home. Um, okay, whatever.

I met his parents� for very short periods of time. They mostly hid in the house as far as I could tell. We drove up one day and found his dad outside, so Dave introduced me to him. I said hi, he said hi� and then wandered off into the garage. Huh? I'd been warned he was a man of few words for the most part, but weird. I said a whopping five words to his mom when introduced to her, namely "Hi" and "Young and the Restless?" (figuring out the soap she was watching). Again, pretty quiet. I was weirded out, and started feeling homesick for my ex's cheerful, friendly, talking parents. No idea how to react to silence, even though I'm usually pretty freaking quiet when around family members even when they're mine. According to Dave, his parents like me, or so they told him later on. Dad apparently "just knows these things" and thought I seemed nice. Mom may have decided I was likeable because the other two liked me or something, I'm not sure. Dave asked her "How could you tell?", which was exactly what I was thinking about that. What can I say, I'm baffled.

Then I got home and things got not fun. I hate calling home to tell Mom I'm okay and not dead on a weekend. I got bitched out for:

(a) the W2 form not making it to her house in the mail- it's been in the mail for a whopping two days, which is too soon for it to even be here yet, hello? Like I can help this?

(b) "Now you'll never come home again." Then she said that Dad needs a wheelchair in the house all the time now and she REALLY thinks I should come home more often.

She's so obviously mad at me. I just don't know what the fuck to say or do, all I know is that anything I do is wrong and never enough. She's hurt and offended that I don't want to be home. I can't make myself want to be home. I still can't deal with diminished Dad. It makes me sick to look at him a lot of the time. She's pissed that I can avoid dealing with it to some degree and she never can get away, she's pissed that I'm having my own life, she's just furious.

I have not told Dave about this yet. I haven't wanted to bring that up. Too sad and depressing. I kinda wish I had tonight, since he wanted me to call him when I got home and I was in a crapass mood. However, I just couldn't bring that up for the first time in a phone conversation and at any rate he was falling asleep. Man, now I need a hug and a big bawling session or something. And I can't get it.

How the hell I'm supposed to deal with a dying father and a mother who feels stabbed through the heart that I want to have my own life, I have no idea. I can't just give up my life to live hers and please her, but I feel awful that she's in such agony because I don't conform. Ugh. Ugh. I can't deal with this shit. Now I REALLY don't want to introduce her to him for as long as I can possibly manage if she's feeling this hostile. She was kinda like that with the ex, but it was more understandable then (the ex is quite a few years older than I am, plus the poly thing), and she eventually chilled out. I don't know why this is worse for her somehow. But I can't avoid an intro forever, and she's gonna have to deal with it sometime. Sigh.

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