Chaos Attraction

Spilling The Tea About 2019

2019-12-02, 7:35 p.m.

Before we begin this year...

Hi, everyone! It has been A Year here like you would not believe.

I feel like y'all are going to need a big ol' primer as to how my year has gone before you read anything during Holidailies this month. Things have changed since y’all last saw me.

Short version: I have now actually gotten into theater shows and I'm interested in someone romantically again after a 15 year drought. However... as the kids say, it's complicated and we are definitely not together romantically and may never be for all I know. Read on....

I auditioned for a show I thought I was guaranteed to get into, and did last year. They did not want me this year. This turned out to be one of the biggest blessings/most fortunate things ever, as it turned out, because it led to...

I auditioned for Tony n' Tina's Wedding, a semi improvised show. AND ACTUALLY GOT IN!!!!!!

I started rehearsals for TnT (cast list here) and
I took up karaoke. Karaoke is very significant here.

We did Tony n' Tina. Here's a rundown of the show. At the end of the month, I auditioned for As You Like It.

I got into As You Like It! and my car started having Issues. I ended up getting a new car. Also, I start seeing signs.

I went to Sierra Storytelling Festival and went to a national storytelling conference.

At the end of the month, well... a line was drawn here between this and all other entries herein. If you choose to read any of the links within, read these two I mention at the end of July because they overshadow everything else from then on. Basically,
I got a bomb dropped on me. This was the point in the journal where I had to cave in and admit that I likesomeone in the theater community (the fellow dubbed "Yarn Empire Scott" in TnT and then just by his name thereafter when I didn’t have to juggle talking about multiple Scotts), which I was not admitting to and was trying to be in denial about, and definitely not mentioning in the journal.

After people mentioned trying to fix him up, he kinda snapped that night at karaoke and well, it turns out he'd figured out I was interested and preemptively turned me down. That's not everything, exactly...

Awkwardness ensued at the show after that. And then things changed again.

Turns out that I am on the list of women he's interested in but not going to do anything about....though his last ex and his longtime crush Cameron (also an actress, as far as I can tell on my own observations and heard from Redhead Sarah, does not seem to be interested in him in that way back) are very clearly ahead of me in line here. Sigh. Others advise me to wait it out. We'll see.

I auditioned for three other shows that month and did not get into any of them. I was only bummed about one of them because I did not get in and most of the rest of my friends did. I also got my own office at work. Huzzah!

I start having weird synchronicities happening regarding my potential love life, and start making lists of this shit. It's a lot and gets more frequent as time goes on. I start seeing hearts all over the place. I admit I'm biased. I didn't write it in this entry about making a list, but I put down that I wanted signs from the universe if I found the right one, and lord, THERE ARE SIGNS.

I auditioned for Coney Island Christmas and did more storytelling about auditions. I got into Coney Island as an extra. Basically the director was being nice to let me in, as I was not needed. But that's sweet of her.

I had another boss quit for another job Rehearsals started. I filled in as an understudy, more or less. More storytelling about auditions. There was big ol' drama at karaoke. Then I embarrassed the absolute shit out of myself. And I got invited to Scott's grandmother's funeral and just got unfortunately overwhelmed by how much I'm in second/third place compared to his crush on Cameron. When Cameron's not around (only at karaoke except the one time she went) he's more interested in me, but when she's around, I'm chopped liver.

Weird psychic shit seems to be going on around me encouraging me regarding Scott, even as it continues to be very clear IRL that Scott and Cameron really should be a couple, it just seems like she's the only one not into the idea because I think everyone else that sees them together is down with this idea.. Them being cast as a couple again, but falling in love onstage, is really rubbing it in publicly. Me subbing in as her part on occasion is kind of deja vu of my embarrassing moment. I am seriously considering
noping out of this shit and working on getting over it once the theater season is over. I know I should, right? Any sensible person would.

I'd love it if things finally worked out between us. After fifteen years (and rapidly approaching sixteen very soon) of singledom, I'm ready for it to be over. I really like this guy. He's amazing and adorable and sweet and funny and kind and we have a lot in common and and (surprise) he likes me back... just not as comparison... So that sucks.

So as of December 2, that's where we are here. Show has three more showings to go. He's always with her, she's cool, I'm politely ignoring this as much as I can and wondering why the hell I was so hellbent on being in this show that didn't need me and trying to develop whatever the hell this is with someone who genuinely likes me, but not as much as others ahead of me in history/line. Whee! Drama!

So that'll be what goes on this month: theater shows, another audition coming up and me needing to work on getting over a pointless crush. Consider yourself warned....though hell, it's still better than The December In Which I Almost Got Fired, amirite?

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